On Christmas

Its a very weird feeling to be alone on Christmas. I could have easily spent time with many different families, but I was hoping to spend time with just one, my host family in Viña del Mar. The family that I have lived with for the past 4 months, mas o menos. Unfortunately for them, death struck their family the morning of Christmas Eve. My host mom's brother died of cancer after a long battle. My plans to spend Christmas Eve night with them were pushed back until Christmas afternoon, and after getting off the phone with my host mom just now, they've been pushed back until later tonight. Its funny how I was just patting myself on the back for being content alone. I actually am very excited to have all this time to myself. I have a lot of reflection to do, a lot of self-reflection to do. At least Christmas is only one day, because I'm not feeling to self-empowered to be alone today. However, I am not the only one feeling lonely today, or missing someone. Which is why I am glad I will later have to opportunity to spend time with people who are also missing someone today.

Tomorrow is a new day, the day after Christmas when everything leading up to it seems like a blur. But today feels sort of like that for me in the sense that my program with SIT seems sort of like a blur. I know this is a common feeling among people in my group. Where did the time go? I remember Orientation, the 28th of August when I didn't know who the 19 other students were or why they had chosen to come to Chile. Now, it doesn't matter why they chose to come, what matters is that they came, and they went... I was the first to get to Chile, and I will be the last to leave. I will see you in 6 and a half months northern Hemisphere.

Another thing popping up for this time of loneliness, God. Shouldn't really be a surprise, but for some reason it is. Its not as if He has been absent, its me who has been absent from Him. Me, who's been living life for me. I'm hoping He will remind me, in my experiences to come, there are more people to live for than myself. Maybe I can focus on them instead of me. There are a few certain things in life that come my way that I am 100% sure about, and there is God looking back at me to remind me that He is in those good things. That those things are not going to be easy because I am so damn stubborn, but that they will be worth it if I do it right. Or at least if I give it a good honest effort. Someday maybe I will figure all this out. Be sure that I want to work for what is good and unselfish. I pray that day comes sooner than later.

I miss a lot of people right now. People I never thought I would/could. I've got a lot of life to live, and I can't wait for it.

super bronzeada

So while you kids in the northwest are suffering from freezing temperatures and preparing for thanksgiving, I am squatting tan. Maybe the tannest I've ever been in my life, i'm excited. But also 10lbs fatter. I can't imagine a meal without bread anymore. How did I ever go a day without eating a baguette or a mini sandwich full of CHEESE and this weird meat paste that comes in tubes. (Turkey is my favorite flavor, not too salty like ham.) I don't even remember life without bread, or pisco. Mostly pisco.

The weather is starting to be perfect every single day down here. Can't wait to be out of school and on the beach. The beach is full by 5pm with families, lovers, stoners, students, even pokemon sometimes (term for gothic(ish) here in Chile)- some have these crazy contacts that even make their eyes like crystal blue or red, or both. The centro is popping with people getting their daily fill of shoes and whatnot. I'm always buying postcards. Or gifts... :) Very excited to travel. Wish I had a few more partners to commit to traveling, but I'm not worried. They will probably pop up last minute and I will spend two months bussing around the southern cone. YAY. Don't start school until March! another yayy. Maybe I am just screwing off down here. But so far its been the best 3 months of my life. And when will I get this opportunity again? Hopefully when I marry a latin man and have beautiful brown babies. lol. Jk.

I have changed my independent study project to access to higher education for poor sectors of society here in Chile. I always dog on the states for being imperialistic and unjust to the poor, but its truly worse other places. For example, in Chile 13.something% of students in college are covered under state financial aid. Compared to the US, over 50% are covered. If I had been born in Chile, I couldn't go to college. I doubt if I had children in Chile if they could even go to college. Maybe in 10 or 20 years Chile will be there though. By 2018, its going to be considered a developed country. So chupalo everyone that thought I was going to some barbaric 3rd world country without power or clean water. JAja. Sorry, that was harsh. But don't worry, I know to be safe, you don't gotta tell me EVERY time I talk to you. I usually make some pretty good decisions. I'm here, right?

I'm jealous that my friends are making other friends, and when I get back to the states, I'm going to wonder who all these people are who are replacing me and commandeering my friends. ¿cachai? But i suppose we all feel that way. When I get back to ups, people are either going to think i'm a freshman (very likely) or I am a transfer. A year is a long time. Half of the school will be new. I'm very glad about that actually. UPS was quickly getting too small for me, never saw new faces or made new friends because everyone was pretty set with their group. I was/am too, but i love meeting new people.

Best thing about this place to be honest. People. I have learned so much from conversations. It really isn't anything you can read in books. I don't think I have every laughed with anyone as much as I have with Mac and Abby. Never have I thought I could tell someone anything without judgement until miss Abby, either. I don't think I've ever opened up to someone so quickly like I did with Isabella. I never knew Brahm and I would become so close to where we talk about fascinating yet often inappropriate personal thoughts. Or that we could get to a point of comfort where we call each other after what seems like a landmark in our lives. Never expected to find an adventurer like Kirsty who does a great job ripping me out of my hard lazy shell. Never had I gained someone like Jeff who could be a best friend in my home state and have him transfer schools before we got that opportunity. Nor did I think I would have such a heartbreaking discussion about a chileno's love who he yearns to return to him. I sure don't expect to fall in love here and go through the heartache he has. If I haven't learned my own lesson, maybe he taught me something new. I didn't expect to find a third, maybe even fourth, place to call home. And I don't expect my next homestay to be a fourth, or fifth, home either. I'm not expecting to meet people like these on the road to argentina, patagonia, or uruguay either, but I bet I will. So maybe my good friends back home are meeting people that have really brightened their lives like I have, and when I put it in that perspective, I'm not jealous, I'm ecstatic. Just don't forget about me. ;)

Have you ever slept on your own shoulder because you feel like you don't have anyone else's to sleep on? I do that every bus ride. But it feels so metaphoric sometimes. After having such a comfortable shoulder for so long, its scary. Its like when you're dreaming about falling and jerk awake and then get mad at yourself for getting scared and waking up. Whenever I miss that old shoulder I get mad at myself for expecting, or even hoping, that it is there. On the way back from our stays in the indigenous villages, Bram asked us if we had ever apologized to someone we had wronged in the past. Like after a good amount of time of wronging them. I responded with, "Have you ever felt like your apology was worthless? Not because someone told you that, but because maybe you aren't really sure if you mean it anymore? Maybe you apologized so much that it felt practiced and uniformed at this point? And when the day comes to apologize again, let say 30 years down the road, will it even be accepted? Will you actually mean it?" I hope so.

Diana, Isabella, and I had an apology session in the first month of living here. We all went around the circle saying sorry for things we had felt in the past, and even maybe feel now. For Diana, it was apologizing for hating straight people and their ignorance to the fear and pain they inflict on homosexuals daily. For Isa, it was her hate for white people and their elite status everywhere. Their lack of persecution in their lives and their lack of repentance. And for me, I apologized for hating rich people. In particular educated rich kids. I apologized for putting myself on a higher branch than them because, "I have experience life" and they don't know the difference between a credit and debit card. They claim to be liberal, open minded and fighting for justice, but yet drive audis and go to big concerts on the weekends and stay in fancy hotels eating at 4 star restaurants. I realized the only way to change these things is to know people. Like actually know them. Have apology sessions, share your life problems with people that my need enlightenment, but above all, stop judging people and remember that we are all human. God doesn't separate us rich and poor, white, black, latino etc., gay or straight, right or wrong, He loves. We're not God, and we wont come close, but its worth a try if we're going to gain so much. We can all say what each other lacks and needs to fix about themselves, or we can focus on ourselves and our faults. And we can try to make things a little bit more tolerable on this decaying planet. Quite and enlightening day for me. Sorry if that was sort of grim. (the whole decaying planet thing).

Signing off,

Senorita Picky

The Great Belén Wall

Spending 4 days, just 4 days, with an indigenous family in the altiplano of the Andes Mountains, with Bolivia right next door, brought me to a lot of realizations. Waking up and going to sleep with the sun is really something. Living simple and dirty is what I crave. To live without a bunch of shit like the past or a huge bag of unnecessary clothes is so liberating. I'm living in the now. Please join me. However, it was also a slightly painful experience. It hurts to see how colonization, catholicism, and chilenization has destroyed an entire indigenous culture. Its shameful, unexceptable.

Realizations:

1. I actually do miss the States. I resisted the feeling until now. I mean, not the states, but people. My family, my friends from home, my friends from school, my dogs. They made us believe that culture shock would set in earlier and we would feel all lonely and stuff much earlier in the process, but just now has this sunk in for me. I don't know if it was buying gifts for people, talking about my family, or sharing personal stories with the girls (yes, girls, can you believe that, john?) in my group that I grew very close to. Probably all of the above.

Do you ever put yourself through torture on facebook just looking through people's photo albums who you unbearably want to say something important to? I don't know why I do this. Its usually with people who have hurt me in some way but I am just too much of a wimp to say anything or i think I'm out of line. Which I probably am, I usually am. This is bad for me. I've even gone the distance of deleting people as my friends because I don't want to put myself through the agony. Damn them when their profile isn't private... lol.

At times, I desperately wish I wasn't missing out on whats going on up there where you all are. I wish I could go to garden level (men's acapella group) shows at ups. I wish I could be in my house to get to know my family's new kitten, Tucker. I wish I could be in Tacoma to trash talk Dellano's coffee and teach people about real coffee and how they should go to cafe Dei instead of Metronome. I wish I was there to make coffee and drink good coffee. I wish I was there to support Jessie during a difficult time, one that I have had a taste of. I wish I was there to laugh with John and make completely politcally incorrect jokes about how gay gideon is for not eating meat, among other things. I wish I could argue with Joe Dylan and Alex about how purps was blue all along, never purple. Oh, and very badly, I wish I was around for no shave-november, I love beards so much.

I know there is a lot to be greatful for experiencing down here, but I am very glad I realize now that I truly do miss home. I miss you guys. :)

2. This program is really unorganized and not what I thought it was. Coming here I expected this to be my hard semester and the next to be my easy one. WRONGO. opposite. I thought this program was one to explore possibilities, opinions, rights and wrongs, but I feel like to be successful, I have to give them what they want to hear. Like high school. yay. not. I am disappointed. I love the program directors a lot, so I guess I just don't know what it is. Maybe inconsistency?

3. I am in love with Valparaíso and Viña. No way I could have done my Independent Study Project anywhere else.

ISP brings up the next stage of my program. One I am slightly nervous about, but also very excited. I am studying the access to resources for niños in this community outside of Viña called El Salto. Specifically, education. How many kids go to college? How does the state help pay? All those whistles and crannies. I start my research today. Yay.

Usually I feel like no one reads this, and for that reason, I never feel like its necessary to write it. Thats why my blogs are always too big and all over the place. But my good buddy Mac told me he reads my blog, and he's not even a follower. Makes me feel special. But then he told me he expected me to be a schizo chica and that he was right. lol. sad. Thanks Mac.

And I'm spent.

Contenta

I can honestly say I am so happy. I have continuously been thinking that since I got here. I feel like I am finally doing something right, important, relevant, and worthwhile.

It was really hard for me to feel this way at UPS. Especially after I took African Politics in the Fall of my sophomore year. It r

uined me. Destroyed me. I felt so helpless to the catastrophes and the injustices that take place on our planet. Especially things that could be prevented. But today, I feel relevant. I feel like I can play a small part in changing this disastrous world. Maybe not yet, but soon.

I really can't complain about much. Other than these unbearable shin splints. Gross, and the fact that some man tried to show me his genitals y

esterday. Still a little bit scarred from that. He just thought it would be a good idea to give me a show while he walked past me. EWWW.

I am slightly worried Christmas is going to be somewhat unbearable. My friend just had his 21st birthday here, and he had a really difficult time. I hope its not like that on Christmas for me, but I expect it to be.

Recently, tons has happened. I went to a festival called Mil Tambores which means a thousand drummers. It reminded me of the Fremont fair in Seattle where everyone paints their bodies and rides bikes in the nude. At Mil Tambores there were naked people painted everywhere. And tons of drummers and dancing and drinking in the streets in the middle of the

day into the night. CRAYZAY.

Also, last weekend I went to Santiago. I only stayed for a day bec

ause two of my friends birthdays the following day. I'm going to be honest, I hated Santiago. Its not Viña del Mar or Valp

araíso; I wasn't in Kansas anymore. There were 10X as many people, it smelt worse, and I was in a constant state of stress; worrying about my bag, my

blonde hair, by tiny build, getting lost, getting stolen. All of it. Tuve mucho estrés...I am sure once I settle in there, it wont feel so overwhelming, but it definitely doesn't have the relaxing safe feel of Viña. :(

¡Today I'm going to Pilates! Yayyyyy, exercise. Gotta work off all that bread and beer I've been taking in. Surprisingly, my pants still fit. Woohoo.

I ran today, first time in...more than six months. It was only like a half of a mile...maybe less. I wish i knew the metric system, maybe it would sound longer. haha. I also went to this Pilates class with Julia and had an amazing time. Probably because your first time is free...I hate paying for stuff. Such a cheap skate. I feel good though, full of energy. Still struggling to do my homework though.

So this is the plan: this is my last week of actual classes, already, right? Time flies. But that only means that its halfway through. Next thursday, our excursions start. I decided to go to the north to Iquique y Arica. Up there, it is the driest place on earth, and one of the best places for star gazing. In a way I wish I could look up at the stars and believe you all are looking at the same stars, but I know that there are different constellations down here than up there. I'll get to see the Valle de Luna and hopefully some flamingos. So we have two weeks of just cultural immersion, not homework, just journaling. Should be awesome. Whats even more awesome is that I wont be spending money, except on souvenirs and stuff. I wont be going out or anything..yay!!! two weeks of saving money. gotta love it. Ok. Enough for now. Chao lovas ;)

P.S. No idea why the first part is a link. haha

Go Big or Go Home

Maybe its not always the best motto, but it sure is mine. And I would say in most cases, its a good one. For example, I have decided to stay in South America through Christmas time. I think this is a good choice at least for the reason that I don't know when I will make it down here again. Maybe after college? Hopefully...Also, I will get the chance to be laying on the beach in 80 degree+ weather why yall are gunna be freezin your asses off. ;) There are many more reasons than these, such as the inconvenience of coming home for a total of 10 days, which I would most likely be sick for from the climate change.

Sometimes going big can be peligroso. For example, I drank way too much on wednesday night. I think enough that I had alcohol poisoning all day yesterday. This was my first major mistake here in Chile and my first experience with alcohol poisoning, and definitely my last. Wednesday night, every thing was hunky-dorey, I made it home safe, I didn't get sick, didn't black out...nothing. But when I woke up friday still a little drunk, I knew it was going to be a hard day. For some reason the 4 bottles of water I drank in my first spanish class didn't improve my hangover. Things just got worse. I threw up after class and had to go home where I failed to hold anything down including water. Why am I admitting this to you, and all the other people who have told me REPEATEDLY to be safe? I don't know. Probably because I've learned my lesson in that sense. You know how everyone says they are never drinking again after a rough night? I said that yesterday. Maybe my first time ever. Or maybe I am also sharing this because its a good story. I am not going to candy coat this experience, so reader, please don't expect me to.

Unrelated to my title, and even worse than alcohol poisoning, I have lost a lot of respect for myself for liking a Justin Beiber song, and if you have too, I COMPLETELY understand.

It rained here on Sunday night. The first rain since I got here. And it was fierce. It was appropriate for the night I had. It was also the first night I've cried since I've been here. Stage 2 of culture shock set in, at least for that night. But it would have been the same situation anywhere else in the world. Its always the same. Even though relationship suffered, maybe forever, I may be able to move on. I better. Immaturity and insecurity are things that don't effect my life anymore. I'm sorry if they rule yours.

Its also pretty incredible that if I need to talk to someone it really isn't difficult. I don't have to sit and suffer alone in a foreign room, I just use icall, or skypecall. Thanks Izz.

Anyway, I guess this should be more about Chile than I have made it. In a few weeks I get the opportunity to go to the northern most part of the country, a town called Arica. We'll fly into Iquique and check it out before Arica. I get the privilege of staying in the driest place on earth for 2 weeks. Not a drop of rain. Just me and the Atacama Desert. STOKED.

Anyone wanna come travel with me in January and February? You wouldn't regret it. Promise.

For summer, I am considering flying to Montevideo, Uruguay maybe camping on the beach for a week or so, and then heading into Argentina. You know, if you enter countries like Chile, Argentina, or Brazil by any other form of transportation than Airplane, you don't have to pay their $140 reciprocity fee. Well that explains Uruguay. ¡Thanks for the advice Maddie! It was great to meet a fellow UPSer that I had not know before getting here. Maddie is in the same program as my roommate, Marina, from freshman year. Her and I definitely work well together.

School blows, but I suppose it would suck in the U.S. as well. So really, oh well. Idk if its pass or fail or not. haha. Maybe I should figure these things out. All I know, is that I definitely am receiving my P&G credits this semester. Its going to be funny that when I come back, my spanish is going to be ridiculously Chilean. Chileans are so funny. They never use s's, they speak super sloppy and have and alternative chilenismo for every actual word...i mean, it seems like it. Why wasn't it advertised that Chilean men aren't as attractive as other Latinos? People keep asking me, are there tons of hotties down there? And I keep replying...."no, actually none." JAJAJAJA (hahahaha) Its quite a let down. They either have chocopandas (mullets) or are jotes, just creepy as shit. Wtf, mate? Oh vell.

Okay, thats enough to indulge in one entry. I will try to get better and updating this regularly. For now, ¡Caio!

Sicky Picky

The first time I met my host brother Panchi he asked me what types of food I liked. I told him I wasn't picky, however I hadn't the slightest clue how to say that in spanish. I told him I liked a lot of different foods and I would eat almost anything someone gave me. He got a the biggest kick out of the word picky. Since I moved in he's called me picky, just as a nickname. I came down with Tonsillitis on Sunday and have been in my house, mostly room, since. So now, he calls me sicky picky. At first he told me I just had a terrible "caña" which means hang over in chilenismo. Haha. Little did he know.... ("I've written books on 'little did he know'....I've taught classes on 'little did he know'...anybody know my movie reference?) Anyway, I'm on day 4 of doing NOTHING and sitting in my bedroom. Day 1 and 2 were fine in the sense that I slept because I was so sick. But yesterday and today I am better and am bored out of my mind. There literally is only so much spanish grammar I can do. I think I've been on facebook for at least 72 hours. My activity level is pathetically off the roof. Its in the clouds.

So here I am. Sick. And Picky. I want us to focus on picky. I have had so much time to think in the past couple days and have realized I am picky. I mean so are you. We all have our right to be picky. My problem is my pickiness wont allow me to make serious decisions. And when I do, my decisions involve me, and only me. For me it is a defense mechanism. I have been through years of dependency both unhealthy and healthy, and I find comfort in dependency on myself. I find it okay to let myself down, but I find it unacceptable for others to let me down. Good thing God is around when I realize I can't depend on myself, and He can't let me down. I have this same view about others as well. I have made some serious mistakes and don't want to let others down, but if they let themselves down, thats their fault, their mistake, their problem. I'm not going to be the one to let you down, but I'm also not going to be the one to let you in. You're not going to be the one I let in. The one I always let in, I always let down. And anyone else who wants to be let in, is either already let down, or I fear they'll let me down like I've let the one down. maybe a little convoluted with my thoughts but thats it. Sorry if I let you down by not letting you in. But know, I might throw you down if I let you in. And I know it doesn't feel good. I've seen the marks. I've had a lot of people ask me what the deal is, but when I'm put on the spot I have many other reasons. These are them. Eat it up. I'm sorry. Its reality. And maybe it doesn't come down to picky, maybe it comes down to something deeper.

Isa, an outstanding young woman in my group here in Chile, once said that it takes half as much time apart to get over someone you were in love with/together with. I had never heard that, but apparently its commonly used. I think it might be right. I pray that its right. Because I need to fix this whole picky/boarded up old lady I have become. I need to realize reality. Right now. Not what could have been, or what could be. I'm stuck in the in between of those two which isn't actually the right now. Its something else, something weird. I think a year here will do it for me. I don't need my mind made up, I just need it moved on.

Nightmares

I've never been one to have many nightmares, let alone any. But for some reason, in the past week I've had 4. Ridiculous. Some are short and confusing, others are long and drawn out and feel very real. So last night I had 2:

The more recent one was me back at home in the states. I was fighting with my brothers (not a big surprise) but Mack was furious at me because he had loaned me $1,000 for going abroad and that it had overdrawn his account. I was so confused, "why didn't you just look at your account before you gave me the money? I could have gone without it." But it made me so scared to go home again by the end of the dream. I don't like fighting.

Now, this is the most elaborate and surreal, or i dont know what the word is when you feel like you can control it, but the other one from last night was that. I had woken up from my plane ride back from Chile to the States, but somehow the plane had crashed on a mountain. A lot of people were dead around me, and those who were awake weren't frantic. They were all in a single file line heading out of the burning plane, slowly and very sadly. I couldn't really get my thoughts together and just stood by my chair and watched. (I was afraid of planes before this). Until finally this tiny African boy came up next to me a grabbed my hand and pulled us to the back of the line. Once we got outside we realized we were in the forest looking for roads and help and safety. When we caught up to this boys mom, she gave him a look of "I was worried about you son, but you did the right thing" And she smiled at the both of us. If that isn't God and Jesus right there, well...it is. Anyway, somehow I unfortunately left that little boy and his mother and met up with Kim Rixon. No idea why she would be on the plane. But her and I found a house where a woman let us use her phone. She called her family and asked them to pick us up. We must have been in the Cascades or something. I called Sergio, our academic director, and he didn't answer. But someone told me that they had gotten ahold of Danko, another advisor, in Vina and he was on his way. Danko doesn't have a car, so I imagined him running up South America into Central and all the way to washington while trying to put his clothes on. LOL. A while ago he told me when the earthquake happened he rushed to put all his clothes on and find his students. Which is where I got that idea. So all of us survivors were just wondering the streets of some forested neighborhood, nobody offering a house to come into. I realized Kim was gone and saw her sitting over in her parents blue subaru. I expected her mom to be in the front seat, but when I got into the back of the car it was Scott! I struggled to lay down, but Scott told me it was for the best. I looked up at his smiling face and asked him if this was a dream. Then i closed my eyes and woke up to my bedroom here in Chile. With his smile still stuck in my head. I literally woke myself up asking, "this is a dream isn't it?"This dream by far felt the most real to me. It also seemed to have a lot of strange significance. Weird, eh?

Before this dream, I had a very short one. My favorite Spanish teacher of all time at UPS, Mark, told me that this was his last year teaching at Puget Sound. I seriously woke up crying. I told him to wait at least one more year until I graduated so that I could take the rest of my spanish classes from him. But he would tell me why he was leaving, if it was personal, or the school's decision. Anyway, I facebooked him for reals yesterday telling him not to leave UPS for a while, but I have still to get a response. :(

My earliest dream was similar to the first one. It was long and very odd. I'm sure there was some significance that I cannot figure out. I was here at my house in Vina, but my mom and her boyfriends Harvey were also here. They were sitting at a table alone outside the house. My Chilean family was having a huge party, so I imagine they were just a little bit confused and intimidated by the language. But I kept going back and forth between mom and harv and all the chileans in the house. Then I realized I couldn't find my host family. And at that moment people started fleeing the house. I am not sure if its because the house slowly started to flood or if it was because the carabineros (police) came. Then I turned to see Isabella, she said "they take those threats seriously marissa" I had no idea what threats she was talking about. Maybe because I had brought a knife to chile, or because I thought about participating in the peaceful March on september 11th. Who knows. Thanks Isa, or should I say, madre. ;) Anyway, the carabineros were not very nice, they were quite frightening and kept asking me where the owners of the house were. I literally had no idea. The water continued to rise and I told them I had to get my stuff before it was all ruined so I ran into my flooded room and woke up. STRANGE.

And that was only the beginning of my weird dreams. I'm sure there will be more. Not sure where they're coming from. I'm having a great time down here and am not homesick yet. Other than this ridiculous flu I have right now, I am very content. Stay tuned lovas....

orientation

I'm back....my 4 loyal followers. :) So let me begin with arriving in Santiago. On August 29th I got to Santiago, tired as crap from an 18 hour plane ride. I went straight to my Hostal in the heart of Santiago, one of the more wealthy areas. As soon as I got there I wasn't able to get into my room because check out was at 1pm, so I got on skype and talked to my mom and harv to let them know i was safe and sound. The Haitian at the front desk tried to teach me how to use the chilean pesos so that I wouldn't get scammed, but he didn't speak any english and I was too tired to comprehend everything he was saying. I was so relieved when I got into my room and met a girl from California! English! Safety! haha. The first 2 days were awkward adjusting days. My body felt all turned around and I had no apetite. But it really was also because the lunch I had that day was more than 4 times what I could eat. Lol. That night I watched 24 (Joe, Alex, and Dylan, proud of me or what?) with Jessica, my roommate at the time. After Jessica left, I met a Chileno from the north, Arica, named Jorge. He asked me if I wanted to go eat with him....lol. I said that I wasn't hungry and had leftovers from lunch, and when he asked me to accompany him, I said I had homework and I was tired. It was kind of him, but I think he got the picture. The next day I met up with Kirsty and finished my pre-departure homework at a cafe. That night her and I went out for drinks and got some bomb ass spicy cheesy fries. lol. And of course, PISCO SOURS, a drink claimed by both chilenos and peruvians. Pisco is a type of alcohol made from grapes and the rest of the drink is lemon and sugar. DELICIOUS. But also very strong. After the first bar, we decided to go check out another and ended up meeting a huge group of British people and hanging out with them pretty late. That was party night #1, which I thought was fun, but I had no idea what was to come....

The next day Kirsty and I split a taxi to the airport where our group was meeting to go to Viña. Even though we were the earliest in Chile, we were the last to the bus. lol. We arrived at the hotel about an hour and a half after leaving the airport, all 20 of us....18 girls and 2 boys. Que ridiculo! We had orientation in the hotel where we met everyone and learned the rules and regulations and all that crap. It was fun the first few days and boring the last few. We went boating and exploring and shopping and all that jazz. I was really sad to leave the group yesterday, but also ready to move in with my host family. My host house ended up being a street away from the hotel! Its the cutest little green house. My parents names are Rosa Maria and Pancho, and my 2 brothers names are Panchito(little Pancho) and Ricardo. Its really funny how the houses are layed out here. They dont really have hallways. One room just leads to another room and everyone walks through everyone elses room to get places. I love my room so much. Tiny and cute. I've never really had a small room because I'm such a princess that I usually end up with the big one. But its very cosy. It leads out to a patio where we hang clothes to dry. You can see pictures on my facebook. I've got awesome bedding and my room is right next to the bathroom. More pictures of my house are to come. I already have SO many pictures in my Vina/Valpo album. Soon I'll have to make more albums. Hopefully facebook can hold all the pictures I take this year, and you guys can bear with me. Lol. I will eliminate the unimportant ones as I add more. Please feel free to tell me which pictures are lame. I wont be offended.

We went through a culture shock workshop that prepared me for a few hard weeks here. Apparently the excitement lasts around 4 weeks until it starts going downhill. then usually there are 3 or 4 weeks of frustration/depression/loneliness then uphill again because we are finally comfortable with the language and culture. And once back in the U.S., apparently it will dip lower than the second stage of culture shock. I hope not, but I am prepared for it. Not like I haven't dealt with depression before. I am so in love with stage one! I am so excited about everything and only a little frustrated with the language. I can already tell i'm going to have some amazing friends. Last night we went to a concert. Communist flags EVERYWHERE. Very fun. And after Allende's Chile fell you could understand why. Anyway....I have to post this right now, because "autosave failed." And I'm headed to bed. But there will be many more of these. And more details. Love ya.

Pre-Chile

I'm not sure I understand the concept of a blog. An online diary of sorts? One that you don't mind others reading. One where people actually care what I'm writing about....Well, stick with me while I get it down. And here we go....

I sit computerless at my mom's house in Fall City just 2 days before I board a plane that will take me to Toronto, Canada and then to Santiago,Chile. 2 funny things about this situation; first, I don't have a laptop because the HP Pavilion that I bought 3 months ago is beyond screwed up. The only thing that I could think of that could have been more inconvenient at this time is if my Fall program was cancelled. Thank God it wont be. I've been defending HP computers for the past 2 years, for the sole reason that they are about half the price of Macs and they do everything necessary for my student needs. If I had unlimited resources, I'm sure I would have bought a mac like the 2000 other students a UPS. Now after this episode, never again will I invest in an HP. HP customer service is worthless. They will send my ALL new parts to my computer, but not a new freaking computer. I can't go abroad without a computer, it is my lifeline in the sense that it will be my only connection to North America and the people I love so much. The second funny thing about my situation is that I am using my mom's computer. If you know me well enough, you know that going home from college means dropping of the face of internet as we know it. My mom has never had consistent, let alone any, internet for the past 5 years or so. Good thing she does, because I still have to write a 4 page paper on Chilean history before August 31st. For some reason this still blows my mind.

Now lets get serious. I leave the country in 4 days. Whoa. I've been outside the country, once. I was 13, it was an end of middle school trip, and I have no idea why that was a good idea. There was absolutely no way I could appreciate culture at that age. And even more disasterous, the 13 rolls of film I took on my mom's ghetto camera didn't develop. :( So basically my recollection of France and Spain is vague. I remember the Goudi park, the snails I ate in France, the Eiffle tower, and Versailles. And of course the people I went with: Emily Drain, Josh Lowman, John Larson, Madison Veirling-Coulter, Marissa Bauer, Caitlin Forslin, Natalie Vitolo (I think?), Madison Meyers, and most memorable, Eric Ward. RIP Lance Corporal, you are missed by so many. I thought he was the cutest boy I had ever seen, and still, pictures of Eric as a youngin are probably the cutest thing you could look at. Cuter than kittens. Seriously.

Its interesting how much devastation seems to sweep over Mount Si High School. Many people I've talked to from UPS say they've never known someone who's died, that their high schools tragedy was nothing more than kids getting kicked out for drugs. Well, welcome to devastation valley. For me, it started when my father died of Pancreatic cancer in 1997. The toll death can take on a family is outrageous. Next, was when Erica Cain died in a car accident. The Cain family lived next door/across the bridge from us, Nick is my age, and Erica was my brother Mack's age. We all went to school together. Mack is 23 and still has not got his drivers license, and I don't doubt that has something to do with Erica's accident. The night she died, my mom and I could hear her dad screaming from our porch. And once again, its unbelievable how death is a tornado ripping up lives of those who love the lost. The next episode, and probably the hardest for me because of my age and connection to him, was when Caleb fell from the rope swing at Blue Hole. The snoqualmie river is merciless. Caleb was probably the best basketball player at our school. And he is definitely one of the most humble people I have ever met. Although Caleb lived, he was in a coma for 3 month....3 LONG months for those of us who waited by his bedside for him to wake up. When he finally did, he had to relearn how to talk and walk. That was my hardest moment in high school by far. I didn't know how to handle that. I didn't understand why God had let this happen? Especially to someone who loves Jesus as much as Caleb. Maybe to show God's glory? Caleb is alive, and he does love God. The next tragedy was Tess. Again, the snoqualmie river is the villan. Blue Hole, again. That ruined the class below me. She was a very loved beautiful young woman. She still draws many grievers to Blue Hole yearly on the day of her passing to celebrate her life. And most recently, Eric Ward was killed in Afghanistan. As Tana posted on her facebook, "Old men still dream up wars for young men to die in." It really makes you question what this freedom is we are fighting for? How can we claim liberalism and democracy yet undermine those values internationally? How does the Patriot Act promote, let alone further democratic values? I can't understand how the U.S.'s actions don't do more damage to their credibility? Sure, Latin America understands this after there were approximately 8 coup d'etats in Latin America, all of which were supported by the CIA. Many which resulted in years of authoritarianism and suffering. But not until recently have these files been uncovered. But the U.S. hasn't conquered the rest of the world. Maybe we'll find out in a couple of years that our war in Iraq was more than a war. Same with Afghanistan. It wont surprise me. Conveniently, Afghanistan has valuable minerals such as gold under their mountainous terrain. Hmmmmmm, but we're fighting terrorism.....

While all of these tragedies have made those of us involved prepared for the worst, pieces of our hearts are shattered daily. We will never forget those we have lost, and I know there are hundreds of us, even millions in similar situations, that will do our very best not to take our lives for granted. We must learn that there is more to life than ourselves, but at the same time cherish ourselves and our experiences. From all of this, I will never let one opportunity pass me by. And now here I am. Headed to Latin America to find myself. To find reality. To find my passions, my future, and to look back and say, "I don't regret one thing, I am greatful for my blessings, and I have made those in Heaven proud that I have lived my life in a way they would have."

"Chile?" They ask me. I decided to go to Chile for many reasons; one, Espana is too expensive, two, Mexico is North America, three, Argentina turned me off because of a girlfriend who studied abroad and didn't enjoy her time there, four, history history history. Politics in Chile are fascinating. Five, Spanish is one of my loves, one of my talents. And five...I actually never considered many of Latin America's other beautiful countries because Chile is so much more advanced. And why a whole year? Well, go big or go home. Thats the way I do things. And of course most people who study abroad wish they could have stayed longer. Since all of my government aid is transferring, and my credits are too, why not? Like really?

(Side note: Thanks to God and his wonderful minions, I am finishing up this blog on a new macbook pro! Thank youuuuuuuuuuu)

What is the hardest part about leaving for so long? For a while, I found none. I hated freshman year so much at Puget Sound that I considered transferring to Western Washington University, my second choice school. However, towards the end of my first year there, I was lucky enough to meet 4 people I knew living with would be worth the stay. Moreover, a family that was amazing enough to purchase a beautiful home for all of us to live in. So that was the hook. As the year went, it went WAYYYY too fast. I now love that house and everything associated with it. It really is such a home to me that I can't wait to live there senior year when I get back from Chile! But its so sad that all 5 of us are in such different places now. We came a long way from the second floor of Todd/Phibbs; now I'm headed to Chile, Gideon is in China, John holding the fort down until he goes to the UK in spring, Miriam moved back to Portland, and Ryan did summer school....booo. I will not only miss those lovely faces every single day, but many of our homies. Its no secret that UPS's party scene is lame. So what do you do on a Friday or Saturday night when the city is lame and dead, and you can't imagine doing more homework, you always have your safe zones to find a good time: Joe, Dylan, and Alex's house, Brahm and Seans, Kara's, a night with Sarah Gulian, or Joanna, scrabble with Ben, a horror movie with David Reif and the roomies, a drive with Ashley Teets, even balloon making with John and Gideon sounds good to me right now....as much as I hated it all year. ;)

So thank you all and everyone else who knows of their importance to me. You have given me something to miss while I'm gone all year. :) And just wait until our senior year, we're going to tare that school up.

And of course the valley, North Bend, Snoqualmie, and Fall City, is my original home. As much as we valley residents complain about this place being a dead end, a boring place, it doesn't have to be. Coming back this summer has really helped me appreciate the beauty and memories I have here. The Snoqualmie River still draws me there to float, swim, whatever. Rattlesnake lake is classic. But this summer it became an original when Dana, Collin, and Lauren decided to go skinny dipping in the dark. Or when Lauren came chasing me naked and soaking wet...she just wanted a hug.... :) I spent most of my summer with my girls, Breanna and Mckenzie. I was a little lost after Mckenz left for Lousianna, but Thank God I had Breanna to keep my stranded butt busy and lively. I hate to leave her here, because I don't know what I would do without her in this valley. Thank you, you lovely valley kids, you get me. I think I saw Danielle Fulfs quote Kelsey Walker once on facebook...."We're classy in the valley and trashing in the rest of the world"...please correct me. But that is hilarious. SO true.

OH and my T-locs. Never have I had a job where I've met so many honest, down to earth, people in one spot. First, the employees....Israel: one of my newest bffs. Him and I are actually the same person only different genders and ages. Never have I clicked with someone like I do Izzy, we finish each other's sentences, always want to do the same thing, have the same birthday, and therefore are Leos...the thing that makes us most alike, I'm sure. Saturday is a five star day Israel. Jessie, my conscious. Also just like me. But different than Izzy. Jessie and I have sort of lived parallel lives. We have lost our first loves, which still seem like our only. (I guess you too Izz). We still have this false expectation of them. We have dealt, maybe even still, with animosity towards family members. We have both seen Cancer ruin a family worse than the Snoqualmie River could. We both get sick to our stomachs when we smell hospital. We both beg God to help us understanding our lives. But we love. :) And we do it with enthusiasm. Thanks Jess, love you. Deborah, Nick, and Josh are wacky kids that I honestly consider a vital part of this larger family we are all in. We have discussed feminism Jesus and sorrow, we have taken beautiful pictures, eaten delicious crepes, and bought a plane ticket to Chile.. Thanks Josh! The Viramontes feel more like parents than bosses. Then there are some regulars...Becca, always full of energy and excitement, and usually great advice! Mike Krasno, always at the coffee shop to not buy anything, hit on Jessie, and harass us while we work. Uros, the Serbian cleaner....at least thats what we all thought. He said he was an architect...idk. But he was so interested in my topic for my final paper that he asked me for a copy of my 13 page paper on altering international power relations through the effective use of international organizations, often thought to be unimportant. Can you believe that? lol. Who actually cares that much? It made me feel proud of my work though. Thanks T Town T-locs.

Alright lovlies, please give me feedback, and you should be getting another one of these (hopefully wayyyyy shorter), in the next couple weeks. I'll be in CHILE!!! Adios amigo. Buena suerte!