Spending 4 days, just 4 days, with an indigenous family in the altiplano of the Andes Mountains, with Bolivia right next door, brought me to a lot of realizations. Waking up and going to sleep with the sun is really something. Living simple and dirty is what I crave. To live without a bunch of shit like the past or a huge bag of unnecessary clothes is so liberating. I'm living in the now. Please join me. However, it was also a slightly painful experience. It hurts to see how colonization, catholicism, and chilenization has destroyed an entire indigenous culture. Its shameful, unexceptable.
Realizations:
1. I actually do miss the States. I resisted the feeling until now. I mean, not the states, but people. My family, my friends from home, my friends from school, my dogs. They made us believe that culture shock would set in earlier and we would feel all lonely and stuff much earlier in the process, but just now has this sunk in for me. I don't know if it was buying gifts for people, talking about my family, or sharing personal stories with the girls (yes, girls, can you believe that, john?) in my group that I grew very close to. Probably all of the above.
Do you ever put yourself through torture on facebook just looking through people's photo albums who you unbearably want to say something important to? I don't know why I do this. Its usually with people who have hurt me in some way but I am just too much of a wimp to say anything or i think I'm out of line. Which I probably am, I usually am. This is bad for me. I've even gone the distance of deleting people as my friends because I don't want to put myself through the agony. Damn them when their profile isn't private... lol.
At times, I desperately wish I wasn't missing out on whats going on up there where you all are. I wish I could go to garden level (men's acapella group) shows at ups. I wish I could be in my house to get to know my family's new kitten, Tucker. I wish I could be in Tacoma to trash talk Dellano's coffee and teach people about real coffee and how they should go to cafe Dei instead of Metronome. I wish I was there to make coffee and drink good coffee. I wish I was there to support Jessie during a difficult time, one that I have had a taste of. I wish I was there to laugh with John and make completely politcally incorrect jokes about how gay gideon is for not eating meat, among other things. I wish I could argue with Joe Dylan and Alex about how purps was blue all along, never purple. Oh, and very badly, I wish I was around for no shave-november, I love beards so much.
I know there is a lot to be greatful for experiencing down here, but I am very glad I realize now that I truly do miss home. I miss you guys. :)
2. This program is really unorganized and not what I thought it was. Coming here I expected this to be my hard semester and the next to be my easy one. WRONGO. opposite. I thought this program was one to explore possibilities, opinions, rights and wrongs, but I feel like to be successful, I have to give them what they want to hear. Like high school. yay. not. I am disappointed. I love the program directors a lot, so I guess I just don't know what it is. Maybe inconsistency?
3. I am in love with Valparaíso and Viña. No way I could have done my Independent Study Project anywhere else.
ISP brings up the next stage of my program. One I am slightly nervous about, but also very excited. I am studying the access to resources for niños in this community outside of Viña called El Salto. Specifically, education. How many kids go to college? How does the state help pay? All those whistles and crannies. I start my research today. Yay.
Usually I feel like no one reads this, and for that reason, I never feel like its necessary to write it. Thats why my blogs are always too big and all over the place. But my good buddy Mac told me he reads my blog, and he's not even a follower. Makes me feel special. But then he told me he expected me to be a schizo chica and that he was right. lol. sad. Thanks Mac. And I'm spent.
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