The weather is starting to be perfect every single day down here. Can't wait to be out of school and on the beach. The beach is full by 5pm with families, lovers, stoners, students, even pokemon sometimes (term for gothic(ish) here in Chile)- some have these crazy contacts that even make their eyes like crystal blue or red, or both. The centro is popping with people getting their daily fill of shoes and whatnot. I'm always buying postcards. Or gifts... :) Very excited to travel. Wish I had a few more partners to commit to traveling, but I'm not worried. They will probably pop up last minute and I will spend two months bussing around the southern cone. YAY. Don't start school until March! another yayy. Maybe I am just screwing off down here. But so far its been the best 3 months of my life. And when will I get this opportunity again? Hopefully when I marry a latin man and have beautiful brown babies. lol. Jk.
I have changed my independent study project to access to higher education for poor sectors of society here in Chile. I always dog on the states for being imperialistic and unjust to the poor, but its truly worse other places. For example, in Chile 13.something% of students in college are covered under state financial aid. Compared to the US, over 50% are covered. If I had been born in Chile, I couldn't go to college. I doubt if I had children in Chile if they could even go to college. Maybe in 10 or 20 years Chile will be there though. By 2018, its going to be considered a developed country. So chupalo everyone that thought I was going to some barbaric 3rd world country without power or clean water. JAja. Sorry, that was harsh. But don't worry, I know to be safe, you don't gotta tell me EVERY time I talk to you. I usually make some pretty good decisions. I'm here, right?
I'm jealous that my friends are making other friends, and when I get back to the states, I'm going to wonder who all these people are who are replacing me and commandeering my friends. ¿cachai? But i suppose we all feel that way. When I get back to ups, people are either going to think i'm a freshman (very likely) or I am a transfer. A year is a long time. Half of the school will be new. I'm very glad about that actually. UPS was quickly getting too small for me, never saw new faces or made new friends because everyone was pretty set with their group. I was/am too, but i love meeting new people.
Best thing about this place to be honest. People. I have learned so much from conversations. It really isn't anything you can read in books. I don't think I have every laughed with anyone as much as I have with Mac and Abby. Never have I thought I could tell someone anything without judgement until miss Abby, either. I don't think I've ever opened up to someone so quickly like I did with Isabella. I never knew Brahm and I would become so close to where we talk about fascinating yet often inappropriate personal thoughts. Or that we could get to a point of comfort where we call each other after what seems like a landmark in our lives. Never expected to find an adventurer like Kirsty who does a great job ripping me out of my hard lazy shell. Never had I gained someone like Jeff who could be a best friend in my home state and have him transfer schools before we got that opportunity. Nor did I think I would have such a heartbreaking discussion about a chileno's love who he yearns to return to him. I sure don't expect to fall in love here and go through the heartache he has. If I haven't learned my own lesson, maybe he taught me something new. I didn't expect to find a third, maybe even fourth, place to call home. And I don't expect my next homestay to be a fourth, or fifth, home either. I'm not expecting to meet people like these on the road to argentina, patagonia, or uruguay either, but I bet I will. So maybe my good friends back home are meeting people that have really brightened their lives like I have, and when I put it in that perspective, I'm not jealous, I'm ecstatic. Just don't forget about me. ;)
Have you ever slept on your own shoulder because you feel like you don't have anyone else's to sleep on? I do that every bus ride. But it feels so metaphoric sometimes. After having such a comfortable shoulder for so long, its scary. Its like when you're dreaming about falling and jerk awake and then get mad at yourself for getting scared and waking up. Whenever I miss that old shoulder I get mad at myself for expecting, or even hoping, that it is there. On the way back from our stays in the indigenous villages, Bram asked us if we had ever apologized to someone we had wronged in the past. Like after a good amount of time of wronging them. I responded with, "Have you ever felt like your apology was worthless? Not because someone told you that, but because maybe you aren't really sure if you mean it anymore? Maybe you apologized so much that it felt practiced and uniformed at this point? And when the day comes to apologize again, let say 30 years down the road, will it even be accepted? Will you actually mean it?" I hope so.
Diana, Isabella, and I had an apology session in the first month of living here. We all went around the circle saying sorry for things we had felt in the past, and even maybe feel now. For Diana, it was apologizing for hating straight people and their ignorance to the fear and pain they inflict on homosexuals daily. For Isa, it was her hate for white people and their elite status everywhere. Their lack of persecution in their lives and their lack of repentance. And for me, I apologized for hating rich people. In particular educated rich kids. I apologized for putting myself on a higher branch than them because, "I have experience life" and they don't know the difference between a credit and debit card. They claim to be liberal, open minded and fighting for justice, but yet drive audis and go to big concerts on the weekends and stay in fancy hotels eating at 4 star restaurants. I realized the only way to change these things is to know people. Like actually know them. Have apology sessions, share your life problems with people that my need enlightenment, but above all, stop judging people and remember that we are all human. God doesn't separate us rich and poor, white, black, latino etc., gay or straight, right or wrong, He loves. We're not God, and we wont come close, but its worth a try if we're going to gain so much. We can all say what each other lacks and needs to fix about themselves, or we can focus on ourselves and our faults. And we can try to make things a little bit more tolerable on this decaying planet. Quite and enlightening day for me. Sorry if that was sort of grim. (the whole decaying planet thing).
Signing off,
Senorita Picky
Dear goodness.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good stuff. Way to go chica.