On Christmas

Its a very weird feeling to be alone on Christmas. I could have easily spent time with many different families, but I was hoping to spend time with just one, my host family in Viña del Mar. The family that I have lived with for the past 4 months, mas o menos. Unfortunately for them, death struck their family the morning of Christmas Eve. My host mom's brother died of cancer after a long battle. My plans to spend Christmas Eve night with them were pushed back until Christmas afternoon, and after getting off the phone with my host mom just now, they've been pushed back until later tonight. Its funny how I was just patting myself on the back for being content alone. I actually am very excited to have all this time to myself. I have a lot of reflection to do, a lot of self-reflection to do. At least Christmas is only one day, because I'm not feeling to self-empowered to be alone today. However, I am not the only one feeling lonely today, or missing someone. Which is why I am glad I will later have to opportunity to spend time with people who are also missing someone today.

Tomorrow is a new day, the day after Christmas when everything leading up to it seems like a blur. But today feels sort of like that for me in the sense that my program with SIT seems sort of like a blur. I know this is a common feeling among people in my group. Where did the time go? I remember Orientation, the 28th of August when I didn't know who the 19 other students were or why they had chosen to come to Chile. Now, it doesn't matter why they chose to come, what matters is that they came, and they went... I was the first to get to Chile, and I will be the last to leave. I will see you in 6 and a half months northern Hemisphere.

Another thing popping up for this time of loneliness, God. Shouldn't really be a surprise, but for some reason it is. Its not as if He has been absent, its me who has been absent from Him. Me, who's been living life for me. I'm hoping He will remind me, in my experiences to come, there are more people to live for than myself. Maybe I can focus on them instead of me. There are a few certain things in life that come my way that I am 100% sure about, and there is God looking back at me to remind me that He is in those good things. That those things are not going to be easy because I am so damn stubborn, but that they will be worth it if I do it right. Or at least if I give it a good honest effort. Someday maybe I will figure all this out. Be sure that I want to work for what is good and unselfish. I pray that day comes sooner than later.

I miss a lot of people right now. People I never thought I would/could. I've got a lot of life to live, and I can't wait for it.